3 Pillars of Unshakeable Confidence

Have you been considering approaches to boost your self-confidence? Do you feel that fear holds a significant portion of your life and prevents you from fulfilling your actual potential? Do you want to let go of your worries and exude unbreakable confidence that would make people like you?

You can’t achieve unshakeable confidence at a flick of your fingers. You need foundations to develop it over time. Here are the three pillars that you need to be aware of to get started on your journey.

First Pillar: Experiential Confidence

One of the things that terrified me as a teenager was chatting up women, especially strangers. Making the first approach felt impossible, as if I had utterly lost strength in my feet. It simply caused me to shut down!

Now, two decades later, I still can’t figure out what I was so afraid of.

The truth is that because we now have experience, you and I can overcome fear and do things we once thought were impossible. For me, I was able to get through those scary moments and conversations. I can now strike up a conversation with anyone I meet on the train, in a coffee shop, or at work.

I believe I am capable of accomplishing almost anything I set my mind to. It’s the same as learning to drive on a highway for the first time. It was frightening at first, but you adjust, and your body learns that it does not kill you.

This type of confidence is referred to as experiential confidence. It is the kind of confidence that comes from experience. You must have developed this level of self-assurance at some point in your life. The first step is to muster the courage to take risks. Every time you fail, you gain confidence because you realize that failure is not permanent.

You should be grateful for all of the things that did not work out in your life because they taught you something. We have confidence today because we failed in the past. As a result, if you want to increase your experiential confidence, the first question you should ask yourself is, “What’s the worst that could happen if you fail?” Will you perish? If this is not the case, there is no reason to back down. You must understand that you increase your experiential confidence every time you act against fear, and all the complex tasks will become manageable in the future.

Second Pillar: Emotional Confidence

It simply refers to the type of confidence that can be turned on and off at will. So here’s an example: At the age of 21, I began working as a project assistant for a multinational corporation. For some reason, I once wanted to work from a different city for three weeks. But I was too afraid to ask my boss for permission to work away from the main office. Did I do it in the end? Definitely!

So, first and foremost, I had to prepare myself mentally. I began by imagining how I would enter my boss’s office, present my case, and deal with his responses. I made a small decision tree with all of the possible ifs, hows, and whys he’d ask, as well as my responses. It was to keep me on my toes and ensure that nothing caught me off guard. In other words, I needed this to keep my cool.

I was basically tapping into my emotional confidence by learning how to control my body language so that I didn’t send the wrong message. You will be able to manage your emotions if you can control your body. On the contrary, if you cannot control your body, your feelings will be everywhere.

I practiced every statement I was going to make and how I would say it, with a firm handshake, a smile on my face, and my shoulders raised. I realized that when you resist the urge to cross your arms and show your anxiety, the conversation runs smoothly, and the other party eases into the discussion. That is how you develop emotional self-confidence.

Emotional confidence is beneficial, especially when you are in a situation that you are already anticipating, such as a presentation, a difficult conversation with your superiors or parents, a performance, etc. Unlike experiential confidence, it is not restricted to a single domain.

The only issue is that emotional confidence does not come naturally. To activate it, you must first connect with your inner self.

Third Pillar: Self-Esteem

It is the highest level and the true definition of unshakeable confidence.  People today mistakenly believe that confidence is solely concerned with survival. The harsh reality is that many people with massive muscles, decorated war veterans, and even firefighters lack self-confidence! They lack the confidence to strike up a conversation with a stranger. You must understand that confidence is broken by identity rather than broken bones in this day and age.

We frequently ask ourselves, “What if others dislike me?” What if I delivered the presentation, and they completely ignored me? What would people say about me? All of these are self-defeating questions.

Having high self-esteem means that you are completely confident in yourself because your identity is not harmed in such a situation. Never allow others to shape your identity or purpose. Instead, you create your own identity. You have the authority and the determination to uphold your internal code.

The first step toward achieving high self-esteem is to ensure that your true identity is connected to your values and standards. It begins with you realizing and accepting that the only person who can break your identity is you!

When you no longer feel like your identity is at stake, you become truly confident. There is no rejection, strangeness, or public humiliation that can upset you if you live up to your standards. So, what steps must you take to live with high standards and unrivaled confidence? Some of these include trying your hardest, fully expressing yourself, accepting responsibility for your happiness, and always aiming to do what is appropriate rather than taking the easy way out.

It doesn’t matter what other people think. You will never be at the mercy of other people’s opinions if you live by this mantra. Allow your purpose to be your guiding light at all times, and always do your best. Don’t be afraid to try new things. Even if they scare you, give it your all. With such a mindset, there is no way to lose. In reality, you will gain far more than you could have imagined.

There’s an old adage that states familiarity breeds comfort. As a result, ensure that you expose yourself to situations that provide you with a sense of familiarity. For example, if you will attend a meeting, scope through the agenda in your head. Suppose you are going to give a presentation; run through it in your head.

You must also gain control of your emotions. To effectively snap out that bad feeling, anxiety, or pattern, take at least three minutes and speak loudly, with a smile on your face, and take slow and deep breaths into your belly. If you make this your identity, no failure, rejection, or humiliation will shake your true identity.

These pillars are critical in developing unshakeable confidence. Now that you are aware of them, you can look inside and discover which one is your weakest. You can then focus your effort in that area and then move on to the next. It can be an enjoyable and rewarding journey.